An often-overlooked insight into a client’s financial perspective bubbles up when asking about the family’s history.  “Tell me about home; where you grew up, your parents, and a couple of warm memories from your family of origin.”  When you ask that question, notice the facial response, the eyes, the posture as you await a response. The body language may create a palette from which all the words come. 

Family stories matter to our clients. We would be wise to remember they need to matter to us. You might learn that your client came from very humble beginnings where both mother and father worked two or three jobs and hand-me-down clothes were expected. They might have had his or her first job throwing papers or flipping hamburgers or pumping gas to help the family make ends meet. As with my family of origin, when my older brother and sister went to college, mom re-entered the work force and, soon thereafter, my dad lost his job, reinventing his work focus.  

As your client talks, listen for what may be the turning point story. Parents divorced, there was the untimely death, the family house caught fire, or a sibling was killed in an accident. Scribble these memories on the creases of your mind and, later, jot them down in your notes. Ask yourself: How might I better advise my client having heard these stories?

Thanksgiving is upon us. Over the course of the next nine days, you will be in the same company as your clients; reflecting on the gift and challenge of family. Over the next few days, do the following. First, use those first moments in a conversation to ask about how family will factor into their Thanksgiving plans. Are they traveling? Will there be a large gathering with extended family? Get them talking about their plans.

Second, listen for both the joy and the pain. 2023 could be a year they will long remember. There was a child’s wedding, the birth of a grandchild, or the death of a loved one. Asking how they will face the holidays will touch them deeply.

Finally, remember that Thanksgiving is considered by many the most important family holiday of the year. When families gather, stories dance around crowded rooms, laughter erupts, tears may flow. Be the advisor that caringly, gently, thoughtfully acknowledges the family dynamics that may color your clients’ holiday plans.

At the end of the day, when all the food has been eaten and the forever turkey leftovers put in the fridge, when the pies have been enjoyed and the room that was bustling is empty, family stories will still be meandering around Thanksgiving memories. Advisors who honor those stories and the lives from which they come will position themselves to do their best and often most meaningful work. Happy Thanksgiving!